14 AGOUST_"TRUE BRIT: reading"

TRUE BRIT
I never know whether to apologise or stand on a soap box[1] and sing “Rule Brittania”. You see, I've currently got a couple of friends from foreign parts staying at my flat and ttthey are having a high old time.[2] London they think is a lovely place, exciting and beautiful, but just a trifle[3], well eccentric. To put it bluntly[4] the are confused and amused and amazed[5] and appalled[6] and distracted and attracted by just how peculiar a people we English are. They cannot get over [7]what a lot of idiosyncrasies this island race of ours has developed for itself.
It all began, I believe, with cricket. Because I was watching cricket on TV every day I thought it was my duty to educate these poor uncivilised souls in the rudiments of this glorious game. It was a mistake. I tried to explain about ins and outs, about LBW'S[8] and googlies, about why both teams wear the same kit, why each game lasts five days and why it doesn't really matter who wins. I even tried to explain the romance of village greens and leather on willow[9]. I shouldn't have.
The argument which ensued[10], ensured [11] that I learned a few home truths [12] about my country. The idiosyncrasies of Englishness as represented by the game of cricket were driven home to me by two foreigners speaking near perfect English. (We of course, refuse to learn a foreign language to remain isolated and aloof[13].) They argued that in England we build barriers of peculiarity in order to stay apart from other people. Thereby we feel different and special and everyone else just feels confused.
They pointed out [14] for example how we insisted on a completely different set of standards from every other European country. Where the rest measure weights in the decimal scale of grammes and kilos we stand proudly by ounces, pounds and stones. [15](Think how difficult it is to explain why there are 16 ounces to a pound and 14 pounds to a stone. Or at least I think there are.) Where he continent counts distance in metres and kilometres we alone have inches, feet, yards[16] and miles. We also have furlongs and acres and things, but I haven't got a clue [17]what they are. I will admit that we do even confuse ourselves sometimes.
Like temperature. we deal in Fahrenheit where freezing point is a very logical 32 degrees instead of that silly Centigrade with its ridiculous 0 to 100 degrees. I don't know how foreigners know whether they are hot or cold. Then again I don't know how they know when they see an English postage stamp because we alone refuse to put our name on them.
We also insist on driving on the left, just to confuse everybody including ourselves when we design to venture abroad. It also ensures that all our cars have to be specially made. We have a different system for shoe sizes and a different width of railway track so that our trains are only usable here. We even set our clocks on a totally different time scale to the rest of Western Europe so that things appear to happen here first.
Apparently, to the eyes of outsiders, we eat strangely: a fried dinner for breakfast and then the same for lunch and dinner. We drink copious amounts of beer even though the weather is rarely warm enough to raise a thirst. We also sit in deckchairs at the seaside when it is wet and windy when sane Continental souls would be inside with the central heating on. But if we ever did get midday sun we would insist on calling for some mad dogs[18] and going out to play. Probably cricket.
And it isn't just that. We all dress funny too, from fashion victims in clogs[19], tights[20] and pirate scarves[21], and that's the boys, to judges in wigs[22], businessmen in bowlers[23] and soldiers in bearskins. We treat animals like people, foreigners like fools, we say please perpetually, and apologise whenever anybody bumps into[24] us. All of this it seems makes us truly strange. I think I'll sing “Rule Brittania" [25]
[1] stand on a soap box – personal opinion, public place.
[2] a high old time. an enjoyable, fetive period or occasion.
[3] trifle. [ˈtraɪfl] to a small extent or degree; slightly: he is a trifle eccentric
[4] bluntly [ˈblʌntlɪ] 2. Abrupt and often disconcertingly frank in speech: "Onscreen, John Wayne was a blunt talker and straight shooter" Time. See Synonyms at gruff. “honest and direct”.
[5] amazed 1. To affect with great wonder; astonish. See Synonyms at surprise.
[6] appalled [] struck with fear, dread, or consternation aghast, dismayed, horrified
[7] get over. to overcome (a problem)
[8] LBW lbw Cricket leg before wicket. In the sport of cricket, leg before wicket (LBW) is one of the ways in which a batsman can be dismissed. An umpire will rule a batsman out LBW under a complex series of circumstances that primarily include the ball striking the batsman's body (usually the leg) when it would otherwise have continued to hit the wicket.

The LBW rule is designed to prevent a batsman simply using his body to prevent the ball from hitting the wicket (and so avoid being bowled out) rather than using his bat to do so.

Despite the word leg in leg before wicket, the rule applies if the ball hits the batsman on any part of his body, except for the glove of a hand in contact with the bat (which is considered part of the bat).
[9]googly. Cricket a ball bowled like a leg break but spinning from off to leg on pitching [Australian English]
[9]willow. Something, such as a cricket bat, that is made from willow.tree
[10] ensued .To follow as a consequence or result. See Synonyms at follow.
2. To take place subsequently.
[11] ensured. To make sure or certain; insure: Our precautions ensured our safety. See Usage Note at assure.
[12]home truths unpleasant facts told to a person about himself or herself
[13] aloof
adjective distant, cold, reserved, cool, formal, remote, forbidding, detached, indifferent, chilly, unfriendly, unsympathetic, uninterested, haughty, unresponsive, supercilious, unapproachable, unsociable, standoffish << style="font-weight: bold;">[14] point out comment, remark, notice.
[15]
[16] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/English_unit
[17]clue. not to have a clue
to be ignorant `How does that work?' `I haven't a clue.'
[18]mad dogs ”it is attributed to Noel Coward (1899-1973) from "Mad Dogs and Englishmen." The full quote is "Mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the mid-day sun." I don't know if the phrase is original with Mr. Coward. I thought it was a comment by the natives, who knew how to sensibly deal with the heat.” http://members.aol.com/noelcow2/maddogs.wav
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdEnxNog56E
[19]clog. A heavy, usually wooden-soled shoe.
[20]tights leotards
[21] scarves (skärvz) A plural of scarf1. A long piece of cloth worn about the head, neck, or shoulders.
[22] wigs. An artificial covering of human or synthetic hair worn on the head for personal adornment, as part of a costume, or to conceal baldness.
[23]bowlers hats. bowler hat. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bowler_hat
[24]bump into. To meet by chance: I often bump into him at the supermarket.
[25] Rule Brittania.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BTZEcAY_95A&feature=related